Chuck Hagel

Taqiyya sunrise

From a new contributor, Augustus...the sculptor, however, made an unfortunate error—that's the wrong finger:

 
***
 
Ten months ago, Barry Banyon had been reelected President of the United States.   With confidence in his interpretation of the political forces at work in the nation and his own unerring judgment, he released his Executive Order entitled, “Educational Initiatives for National Security, Economic Prosperity, and a Just Society”.  In it, he set rules that the Department of Education would follow in the teaching of Islam in our nation’s schools.
 
In a prime-time address to the nation, which was broadcast on all channels - while interrupting Sunday Night Football to increase its audience - he laid out the thrust of his program.
 
“The Middle East has been a tinderbox of war for centuries.  But it also contains the energy that has fueled the economic prosperity of the United States and the world.  Previous administrations have tried unsuccessfully to defuse the area militarily while still keeping its energy resources flowing.  This approach has been unsuccessful and is, quite frankly, a self-centered approach where America benefits at the expense of the Muslim world.  I have crafted an approach based on my unique study and understanding of Islam which will reverse that situation.”
 
“Today, I signed an Executive Order that Islam will be taught in all schools, from kindergarten through college.  This cannot be construed as an unconstitutional blending of church and state since its objective is strictly national security and developing a more just attitude toward Islam in the United States.  Our Constitution and our national heritage is one of equality of opportunity for all.  Yet, since 9/11, Muslims have been unfairly characterized as being responsible for an event that was the culmination of years of a colonialist mentality by western nations.”
 
“We Americans have financially benefited from our previous, self-serving policies and it is time we recycled those benefits into a sustainable policy.  Toward that end, I, in a spirit of reconciliation and appeasement, have ordered that all federal dollars for educational support of any kind will be contingent upon compliance with this order.”
 
“It is important that we Americans do not focus on our national prejudices when reacting to this, since blind adherence to these prejudices has been responsible for the Middle East’s current unsettled condition.  You must see it, as I do, as the first plan that will bring a lasting peace to the Middle East.”
 
“To further promote international understanding by reaching out to those some wrongly believe are our enemies, I have further directed that the Department of Education develop the curriculum that will be used, as only the centralized knowledge of this department can insure the proper implementation of this plan.”
 
“In order to convince the Muslim world of the genuineness of this proposal, I have asked the Ayatollahs of Iran to select an individual who I will appoint to oversee the implementation of this plan.  They have generously agreed and I am announcing the appointment of Grand Mullah Mohammed S. Prophet as the Undersecretary of Education.”
 
The main stream media were agog at the proposal.  MSNBC’s Chris Matthews declared it, “The first truly original approach and a guaranteed success”.  CNN’s Wolf Blitzer was equally impressed and Tom Brokaw declared, “President Banyon will lead this generation forward to make it the new ‘Greatest Generation’”.   Commenting on Sunday Night Football, Bob Costas declared that, “Before getting back to the game, it should be noted that Americans will finally put the world’s well-being ahead of our own”.
 
Conservatives immediately labeled this effort as unconstitutional and called for President Banyon’s impeachment.  Even liberal Democrats were appalled by the speech but remained silent.
 
Immediately after the speech, the Senate Majority leader, Henry Rod (D) met with the House Minority Leader Paula Lossi .  Lossi declared, “I’ve had calls from Republicans to draft Articles of Impeachment and there are some of those religion-and-guns Democrats from the South who will go along”.
 
“Just tell your caucus”, Rod said, “that there is no chance the Senate will find him guilty.  Impeaching a President for furthering Islam will definitely cost us Muslim votes and other minorities will be empathetic with the oppressed Muslims. Democrats who vote for impeachment could cost Democrats their seats and also our majority position in the House and Senate. That S.O.B. in the White House knows we can’t impeach him on any constitutional issue because it will cost us votes.  Besides, if we spin it right, it would be another suicide attempt by the Republicans if they try to impeach.”
 
Lossi thought for a moment and added, “I’m no constitutional scholar, but this surely seems like a violation of the First Amendment”.
 
Rod tried to suppress a laugh as he thought, “You’re no scholar, period”.  

“This is political survival”, Rod asserted, “And that always trumps the Constitution.”
 
Back in the family quarters, President Banyon spoke with wife, Millie, while they sipped a seventy-five-year-old bottle of champagne, courtesy of Congresswoman Lossi’s winery.  The President’s wine cellar was renowned for its quality while few realized that Banyon had never had to spend a cent on it; political supporters and cronies realized that the man who felt the pain of the masses had very egalitarian tastes.
 
Millie laughed as she spoke, “I suppose Rod and Lossi have it figured out by now; they can’t impeach you without imperiling their jobs.”
 
“Yeah”, Barry added, “Rod has figured it out but I wonder if he can explain it in words of a single syllable for Lossi?”
 
“Oh, she’ll get it.  She may not be the sharpest tack in the box for most things, but she has a nose for power.  Politics activates brain cells that were long ago given up for dead”.
 
The President and First Lady giggle as they clink glasses in a toast to themselves.
 
Millie Banyon wasn’t a bit worried when she said, “Aside from those crazy Tea Partiers, there aren’t ten other politicians in Washington with the balls to stand on a Constitutional principle.”
    
Banyon replied, “Yeah--so now, how soon after my term ends should I announce my ‘conversion' to Islam?
 
“Why wait that long,” Millie replied.  It would add zest to your last year if you did it then.  And it would focus attention back on us instead of those silly people in the primaries.”
 
***
 
Just a preposterous parody?  Not so much. At CNS:
Sen. Sherrod Brown (D-Ohio) says that he believes President Obama in his second term will drive the progressive agenda forward with a more aggressive use of executive power.
 
“We’re going to see a president of the United States use his executive powers as much as he’s allowed to under federal law and under the Constitution, in a more aggressive way than last time,” Brown said in an interview with MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow....
And click on the image to read about the Egyptian magazine article that inspired this graphic:
 
 
 
Think of it this way:
 
 
And then there are the other three Horsemen of the Apocalypse, Chuck Hagel, John Kerry, and John Brennan:
 
 
Regarding Hagel, at PowerLine:
It is quite remarkable that President Obama has nominated a Secretary of Defense who is applauded by eccentric opponents of American strength like Mike Gravel, and bitter enemies of the U.S. like the government of Iran. In a parallel universe inhabited by reporters, this would be a news story.
You might find this blurb from early in Barry's reign presidency about now-Secretary of State Kerry's hearings on "Engaging with Muslim Communties Around the World" intriguing.
 
And let us not forget CIA Director-nominee Brennan gushing over his favorite city, al-Quds.  Where the hell is al-Quds, you ask?  It's better known as...Jerusalem.
 
So it looks as though ol' Augustus has hit the nail on the head.  Not bad for a dead Roman.
 
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