Leaked! The Secret Agenda of the Democratic National Convention

And I'm sure CSPAN will offer coverage without any talking heads:

 
 7:00 pm OPENING FLAG BURNING
 7:15 pm PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE TO THE UNITED NATIONS
 7:20 pm Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Barack Obama
 7:25 pm OPENING PRAYER - Reverend Jeremiah Wright
 7:45 pm CEREMONIAL TREE HUGGING - Darryl Hannah
 7:55 pm Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Darryl Hannah
 8:00 pm GLOBAL WARMING OMFG!!!!!!!!! - Al Gore
 8:30 pm WHY FOURTH TRIMESTER ABORTIONS MATTER - Barbara Boxer
 8:55 pm Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Barbara Boxer
 9:00 pm CHARGING OUR TROOPS WITH WAR CRIMES - John Kerry
 9:30 pm MEMORIAL SERVICE FOR SADDAM HUSSEIN AND MUAMMAR GADDAFI - Cindy Sheehan and Susan Sarandon
 9:55 pm INCOHERENT RAMBLING ABOUT COWBOY POETRY, ETC. - Harry Reid
10:00 pm Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Susan Sarandon
10:05 pm COLLECTION DRIVE FOR THE OSAMA BIN LADEN MEMORIAL FUND - Cher
10:30 pm FREE THE FREEDOM FIGHTERS FROM GUANTANAMO BAY - Sean Penn
11:00 pm OVAL OFFICE AFFAIRS - William Jefferson Clinton
11:45 pm Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Susan Sarandon's Rack
11:50 pm A PLEA FOR MASS PARDONS OF THE OCCUPY WALL STREET RAPISTS - Howard Dean
12:15 am FREE THE MINUTEMEN IN AFGHANISTAN'S PRISONS - Michael Moore
12:25 am Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Jessica Alba
12:30 am SATELLITE ADDRESS - Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
12:45 am NOMINATION OF BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA - Nancy Pelosi
12:55 am Barack Obama ACCEPTS NOMINATION, GRAMMY, AND TONY AWARDS
1:15 am THE TRUE STORY: HOW I KILLED BIN LADEN - Barack Obama
1:25 am Max Baucus SINGS NATIONAL ANTHEM
1:30 am CORONATION OF BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA
1:55 am Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Mitt McRyan
2:00 am Bill Clinton asks Max Baucus to drive Hillary home.
 
Blogger Maetenloch at Ace of Spades says, "Apparently the ritual stoning of the Boy Scouts and candlelight memorial for the victims of Mitt Romney have been moved to later in the week."
 
Heh.